Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘sadness’

Vainly, I try to take you out of my thoughts, but that’s an impossible undoable task. “Something always brings me back to you”. I insist on calling you! And you keep rejecting my calls, making up excuses for not being able to answer the phone!

It would be much easier if you told me that I cannot call you anymore… that it bothers you, that I should stop this craziness. But rather you encourage me! You allow me to keep on with my obsession of wanting to know at every second about you! And yet, you keep letting it ring on its own, as if a ghostly force would come and pick it up… It would be much easier not to know your number at all…

“Set me free! Let me be!” Unlock these invisible chains that restrain me from carrying on and that hold me close to your distant being. Or else, be here now! Be more present than just 5 minutes a week. I thought I was strong. I thought I wouldn’t mind the ocean between us… But it’s been far too much, and I just can’t swim.

I look at my phone as if it would ring by just keeping my eyes on it… But it’s dead mute. What’s the purpose of loving someone when you are unable to express how you really feel? No Pur- Pose at All!. Insignificantly, I go on, trying to refrain myself from making these Never-Answered-by-You phone calls. It would be much easier if I could move on…

Read Full Post »

And once more I find myself alone. In my loneliness, these myriads of chaotic thoughts are the only interlocutors I find. But, thankfully, they don’t interfere with my monologue, rather they construct it, build it, help develop it.

Once more I find myself missing you, your voice, and your words; to such an extent as if those were my sources of living, as if they were an engine, and I, a mere machine that cannot move without its engine put in motion. But the engine is now lost; it comes and goes as it pleases, thinking of its existence as being needless. However, I am still motionless, waiting for all the doors of hope to be opened up again with your return.

And I miss, and I miss. I cannot be me if my most important part is detached from my own being. I am fragmented, incomplete. So distant you are but yet you won’t accept it, exerting a great deal of strength in making me believe that you cannot breathe without me, portraying a mere surface image. What goes beyond is what really matters. And it is beyond, that the truth lies.

You can breathe. You don’t miss. So I wonder, I wonder, and I keep wondering why you lie not just to me but to yourself. What’s your profit out of this? What’s the prize you’re going to get? But you defy my point of view, posing your own farfetched arguments, using language to your own advantage.

You keep saying “I love you”, the magic set phrase which is supposed to light up someone’s heart, to compensate for broken promises, and to act as an erasure of guilt. It’s getting complicated for me to fully believe in this three-words-phrase. When it becomes evident that actions don’t longer match, or even that they never did actually match with the words uttered, something gets broken deep within from where mistrust and paranoia emerge.

Read Full Post »

 by Pablo Neruda
I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it’s you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.
Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.
In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

Read Full Post »